Heart Songs
by LLF
Summary: A Luby story...after the shoot 'em up...after the surgery...after the NICU drama....just 'snapshots' of a Luby life.
1. Coming Home

_The purpose of this fic is just to provide 'snap shots' of moments I'd like to see happening on the show. Too often those day to day pics get lost in the 'drama' of ER,_

Coming Home…..

It was nearly midnight when Luka let himself in the apartment door. He smiled when he saw that she had left a sandwich and fruit for him on the counter. She knew that he rarely took a moment for a meal when he was pulling an evening shift. He pulled away the plastic wrap and lifted the bread to check out the stack of roast beef, lettuce and tomato. He picked up half and put the rest of the sandwich in the refrigerator. It had been a rough night. All he wanted now was a shower and their bed. He slipped his shoes off and ate the sandwich as he headed up the stairs. The light was on in the nursery. He stopped and peeked inside. He chuckled slightly as he saw her kneeling before the open side of the changing table rearranging things….again. He took a moment and glanced around the room.

It was finally finished. He'd painted the walls were a soft yellow and she'd selected a pale animal print for curtains. There was a matching pillow on the couch against the wall and matching bedding in the soft oak crib. There was already an impressive collection of stuffed animals in the corner and on the seat of oak rocker near the window. Under the window was a small bookcase with baskets of books they had been collecting. On top of the bookcase was a snow globe music box…and a baby monitor. There were boxes of diapers in the closet, a dresser full of tiny onesies and socks, tee shirts and soft pants of every imaginable color. The only thing that was missing was the baby. And the baby was coming home tomorrow…..or rather today.

Abby stood up and shrieked as she turned and saw him in the doorway. Luka jumped.

"Ah…Luka!" she cried. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Just a few minutes," he said. "What are you doing?" Abby traced a finger along the end of the nearby crib and shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep," she sighed.

"You need your rest," he scolded. "It's after midnight. Come with me." He held out an arm and she smiled as she moved into his hug. Luka switched off the overhead light and kissed the top of her head as the nursery was bathed in the soft light of the lamp on the dresser. That light had been burning since she'd come home from the hospital herself.

"How was your shift?" she asked as he turned on the light in their room.

"Rough," he sighed. "I'm beaten…." Abby suppressed a smile and dropped onto their bed. She stretched out on the covers and patted the spot next to her. Luka sighed happily and sat next to her. Abby moved to her knees behind him and began to massage the back of his neck and shoulders. She frowned slightly. It **had** been rough. He was tighter than a drum. He closed his eyes as her fingers worked away the kinks in his shoulders. Luka reached down and unbuttoned the shirt he wore and let her slip it off him. Abby pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder and kneaded the muscles under the kiss firmly. Luka chuckled.

"You may be restless," he said. "But I am tired."

"I know that," Abby replied innocently. "This doctor recommends a hot shower and bed."

"Oh, she does, does she?" Luka slipped to the side and fell back on the mattress and brought her along side him. "And what else does the mother of my son recommend, Dr.?" Abby raised herself up on one elbow and frowned thoughtfully.

"At least four days away from the hospital altogether. No pager either. No more multiple daily visits to NICU. Waking up with the mother of your son while she feeds him during the night. Oh, and diaper duty is totally yours. Doctor's orders." Luka laughed and wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"It's really going to happen isn't it?" she said softly. "We're finally going to have him at home, all to ourselves?" Luka nodded.

"Scared?" he asked.

"A little," Abby nodded.

"Me too." She raised herself up on one elbow and studied his face. He was serious. Luka's eyes drooped and he raised his eyebrows to keep them open.

"I think I might need some help in that shower," he said. "How are you at scrubbing?" Abby laughed and her brown eyes twinkled.

"You have to ask? I do have _some_ experience." Luka shook his head and sat up. He glanced back at Abby and suddenly they were both on their feet and racing for the bathroom leaving a trail of slacks, pajama pants, underwear, socks and a cami behind them.


	2. NICU Graduation

Abby smiled a little and adjusted the tiny sky blue tee shirt he wore. She pulled a slightly darker pair of soft pants over his diaper and slid some too big socks over his tiny feet.

"It looks like blue is going to be your signature color too," she sighed as she slipped a blue and white striped cap over his head. Joe stared up at her with big round eyes and kicked his feet. Abby laughed and picked the little bundle up carefully and held him against her shoulder.

'You're going home today, Joe," she whispered softly. "Then it's going to be just you and me and your dad. Think you can handle that?" She nuzzled his tiny head against her chin and just enjoyed the feel of him in her arms. For too long after he was born she had to be content with just touching him with one finger at a time….caressing whichever patch of skin that showed beneath the myriad of tubes that crossed from every which way. The incubator had been a warm and secure little bubble for him for a while as he fought insurmountable odds to survive. Closing her eyes Abby could picture the various scars from his surgeries that marred his fresh new skin. It had been a long haul but her baby had already proven that he was just like her….a survivor.

She held him with one practiced hand and spread a soft blanket on the warming table in front of her. She placed him gently in the center of the blanket and wrapped it snugly around him. Joe blinked and his dark brows – so like Luka's – came together in confusion at being wrapped in a blanket. His face wrinkled and screwed up as he started to wail. Abby grinned and shook her head as she picked him up again and jostled him a bit.

"What's up with the noise?" Luka said as he approached from the NICU doors. His face was split in a wide grin as he took the baby from her and held him so they were eye level with one another. Luka said something softly in Croatian and looked at Abby with a disappointed smile as the baby continued to wail. He cuddled the little bundle against his chest and Joe continued to cry.

"Maybe it's the blanket?" a nearby nurse offered. "He's not one to be restrained at all, remember?" Luka loosened the blanket and Abby lifted Joe's arms free. The crying stopped and he hiccupped as his chest heaved and his bottom lip pursed in a pout. Abby and Luka looked at one another and grimaced happily. It was going be a long time till college with this kid.

"There's a rumor going around that we are freeing up a NICU bed today," Dr. Raab said as she approached them with a trail of newly assigned residents behind her. She grinned broadly and reached out to touch the top of Joe's head. "He just sounded like he is raring to go!" Luka laughed and nodded. Abby hesitated a moment and then hugged the NICU department head.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for everything." Dr. Raab smiled and hugged her back. She straightened and shook her finger at Abby.

"You can pay us back by joining our department, you know," she said. Abby thought for a moment and then shook her head.

"It's nothing personal but if I never walk through those doors again I will be perfectly happy." Dr. Raab laughed and then nodded.

"The offer still stands," she said seriously. Abby nodded and watched as the doctor's brusque manner returned and she took the nervous residents through their paces at each NICU bed. She sighed and turned her face back to Luka's. He was watching her as he cradled the baby in the crook of his arm so easily.

"You'd be a definite asset to this department," Luka said softly. Abby shook her head.

"Are you trying to transfer me out of the ER or something?" she asked as she put her hands on her hips. Luka shook his head quickly.

"NO….." he said quickly. "I just want you to be happy." Abby shrugged and smiled as her eyes traveled from his face to the baby in his arm.

"I am," she said. "I really, really am." Luka grinned and looked down at the baby.

"I've signed all the papers," he said. "We are good to get."

"Go…." Abby corrected. "Good to go." He shrugged. She gathered the diaper bag stuffed with hospital paraphernalia that was going home with them to her shoulder and watched Luka buckle Joe into the car seat carrier she'd brought with her. He held the carrier in one hand and reached for her hand with the other. Abby smiled as they took their first steps as a family away from the NICU department and entered the hospital corridor.

"Wanna take a quick cruise through the ER?" Luka asked as the elevator doors closed in front of them. She nodded and pushed the button for the ground floor. The doors opened and Chuny was waiting…watching.

"They're here!" she called and suddenly they were surrounded by friends. Luka dropped her hand and shifted the carrier so it was in front of him and everyone could see the star of the day. Arms free and snuggled in the middle of the soft blanket, Joe had fallen sound asleep.

"He's bigger!" Dori said.

"Five pounds, four ounces," Luka said.

"So sweet, Abby," Chuny sighed. Abby nodded with a smile.

"Wo….the kid has guitar pickin' fingers!" Ray chuckled as he spread a tiny hand over his. "Free lessons whenever he's ready."

"We might take you up on that," Luka laughed. Malik thrust a power fist into the air as he passed them with a dextrose bag and winked at Abby. Luka picked up her hand again and eased them both through the crowd admiring the sleeping baby.

"Enjoy your weekend off, Dr, Kovac," Kerry said with a smile. "Bright and early Monday morning, remember."

"I know, I know…." Luka groaned. The crowd began to thin as the doors closed behind Abby and Luka. Chuny nudged Haleh.

"Ten bucks says Luka takes a nap when he reports for work on Monday," she said. Haleh shook her head.

"I am no sucker for a bet like that," she said with a laugh. They both glanced toward the admit desk where Morris was working on a chart. Chuny smiled and Haleh rolled her eyes.


	3. Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

Luka wrapped an arm around Abby as they stood together next to the crib. They looked down at their son asleep in his own bed for the very first time. Luka leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"We're going to have to leave him alone sometime," he sighed.

"I know," she nodded. Abby checked the lines to the heart/apnea monitor that kept watch on Joe's breathing as he slept. She looked up at Luka and picked up his hand as they reluctantly left the nursery they had worked so hard on.

"Now what?" she asked. Luka looked down at her and then they headed back into the nursery. They peeked at Joe again and then settled themselves on the couch against the wall. Luka wrapped his arms around her and they cuddled together and drifted off into sleep themselves.

Luka woke with a start when he realized that he was alone on the couch. He shook his head and looked around.

"Hi…" Abby whispered softly from the rocking chair behind him. Luka sat up and turned around. She had Joe nestled in her arms and was nursing him. Luka grinned and settled back to look at them together.

"How is he doing?" he asked. Abby shrugged.

"Not very well at the moment," she said with an exasperated frown. "We were doing so good at the hospital. I didn't think to get a bottle ready…just in case."

"I can do that," Luka said. He stood up and then crouched next to the rocker for a moment. He touched his finger to Joe's clenched fist and grinned as the baby wrapped his fingers around it. He was pulling away from Abby and making little mewing sounds, squirming in discomfort. Luka reluctantly pulled his finger free and reached for the bag they had brought home from the hospital. He pulled out a small stuffed duck that was in a plastic bag. He took it out of the bag and wound the metal key on the bottom of the duck. The soft tinny sound of a lullaby filled the room and Joe stopped squirming. Abby looked up at Luka.

"So that's why you brought that into NICU…." she said. "So it would be a familiar sound for him when he came home?" Luka nodded.

"I'll get that bottle ready," he said as he left the room. Abby pressed a kiss to her son's forehead.

"Your daddy is much better at this than I am, Joe," she said softly and shook her head. She frowned a bit as he continued to fuss at her breast. Abby could feel the ire beginning to build up in her. Finally getting him to nurse had been so frustrating for both of them. She hated using the breast pump and seeing him being fed with a bottle. It made her feel like a failure sometimes. She hadn't been able to carry him to term. She wasn't able to nurse him. He didn't like to be cuddled. Everything seemed to go wrong for them. By the time Luka returned with the little bottle of warmed breast milk from the freezer she was in tears and Joe was crying.

"Take him, Luka," she said as he entered the room. Luka looked at her for a moment and then slowly shook his head. He knelt beside the rocker and put the bottle in her hand.

"He needs to get this from you," he said firmly.

"But won't he refuse to nurse if he knows I'll give him a bottle?" she asked. Luka shook his head.

"Ah, he's too little to play that game," he reassured her. Abby swallowed and shifted Joe in her arms. She slipped the nipple of the small bottle in the baby's mouth and he began to suck weakly.

"Come on, sweetie," she sighed as he drifted into an exhausted sleep. Luka tickled his feet and Joe's cheeks began to move as he emptied the bottle. Abby sighed again and finally moved Joe into Luka's arms. She adjusted her clothes and then stood up.

"You have to be patient, Abby," Luka said quietly as he watched her leave the nursery.

"I know," she replied resignedly. "I need to find the pump." Luka frowned and then looked down at the little boy in his arms.

"Stop being so hard on your mother, Josip," he scolded. "She's doing her very best." His frowned eased into a soft smile and he carefully stood up and then sat in the rocker himself. He laid the sleeping little body on his knees and crooned softly in Croatian as he straightened the white onesie he wore and then cradled him in the crook of his arm again. He'd waited a long time to have this gift again. This wonderful gift from Abby………


	4. Morning Glories

**Morning Glories**

And so that became their routine. She would try to breast feed, end up using a bottle and would then pump more milk to be frozen. Feedings were taking too long and were too short between. Luka didn't know what to do to make it easier for her except to be there. At the end of their first night home together they were both exhausted. Abby was already beginning to hate the baby monitor she had been insistent that they needed. Hearing Joe cry from his room on one side of her and then from the monitor on the bedside table on the other side of her was like hearing it in stereo. And they had to jump when he cried. If he did it too long he was too tired to eat. And he had to eat. It had taken him eight weeks to get to where he was now. They both knew how important it was that he add those meager ounces and her breast milk was a big part of that.

"Abby?" She shook her head and frowned a bit as Luka pulled aside the covers on their bed and slipped in next to her. "We've got company." She opened one eye and smiled a little. Luka was settling Joe on a pillow he'd drawn between them. The baby's eyes were wide and he was dressed in just a tiny preemie diaper. Luka drew the covers up over Abby's shoulders and snuggled down next to her with the baby between them.

"What time is it?" Luka looked at his watch.

"Almost eight." She closed her eyes and grimaced.

"Did I sleep through the six o'clock?" she groaned. "How did that happen?"

"We both did. I gave him a little from a bottle a while ago," Luka said. "He ought to be really hungry in a minute." Abby raised herself up on an elbow and studied the skinny little body next to her. His tummy was crisscrossed with newly healed surgical scars. Joe's eyes met her's and she smiled. He waved his arms and his chin came up as he tried to coo. Luka studied her face and his heart broke a little. He could see her frustration and her desire to do well written there. He lifted his hand to her cheek and caressed it. Abby reached up to cover his hand with her's and pressed a kiss to his palm. She sighed and unbuttoned the front of her green gingham night gown.

"Do you know what really irks me about all of this?" she said absently as she eased Joe to her side. "All those years when I was working in OB, I taught mothers how to do this with their babies. I was the one that told them about relaxing and taking their…OW!" She gasped and looked down as Joe began to nurse in earnest.

"Hold on a minute there, cowboy," she laughed as she adjusted the baby's mouth on her breast. Luka chuckled and pressed his chin to his arm as he watched them. She looked up at him and smiled.

"What did you do this time?" she asked as she touched a gentle finger to the baby's cheek. Luka shrugged.

"We had a little male bonding session," he said. "Diaper change, kangaroo holding session, read a book, a little discussion about how very beautiful his mother is…." Abby's brown eyes sparkled as she looked from him to their son and back to him again. She loved what she saw in his eyes. He was tired…yes…..but he was happy. He was gloriously happy…..and she knew that part of that was because of her.


	5. Monday Moanings

Monday Moanings

Chuny looked up and nudged Haleh as Luka strode in the ambulance bay doors. He grinned widely and winked as he headed toward the lounge and locker area. Morris stepped closer as Haleh checked her watch.

"Okay…." she said softly. "Eight A.M. and counting." Chuny laughed and exchanged glances with Morris. He clenched his fist and grimaced in satisfaction as he turned to look at the board. There were just three patients on the board. The triage room was nearly empty. He frowned slightly. If it was slow, Luka would most likely be doing paperwork in his office most of the day. Suddenly he began to worry. Keeping Luka awake all day was going to take some serious planning. Was the cruelty worth a few bucks? Chuny sashayed by with a patient's chart and snickered. Morris glared thoughtfully. Oh yeah….it was.

In the empty lounge Luka leaned his head against the cool metal of his locker door. He closed his eyes for a second and then shook his head. He'd forgotten how it could be with a new baby. Neither of them had gotten much sustained sleep at all. Had it been this way with he and Danijela as well? Why didn't he remember? Luka turned around and sighed as he leaned his back against the locker. He'd been finishing is internship and residency then and hadn't been home much during those very early days for either Jasna or Marko. This was almost as new to him as it was to Abby. He shook his head again to clear it and opened his locker. He opened the door and slipped into the white coat he wore in the ER. He was going to need another ice cold shower in a couple of hours.

The morning just crept by as Abby bathed Joe and dressed him and fed him. In spite of several successful nursing episodes over the weekend, he persisted in keeping her in limbo as to whether it was going to work or not. They struggled through another feeding. Once he was asleep again she managed a quick shower. The apartment was so quiet and so empty. She missed Luka.

It had been a very quiet morning. Luka was settling himself in his small office to look over some of the supply order paperwork he needed to sign off on. He smiled a bit as he gazed at the photo frame on his desk with the picture of the three of them. They had taken it in NICU. Suddenly he missed them. He picked up the phone and dialed. Abby answered on the second ring. They chatted for a minute or two about Joe….about work…about nothing at all. Blissful. He hung up and leaned back in his chair. Just as his eyes began to close there was a knock on his door. Morris stuck his head in.

"Dr. Kovac?" he said. "MVA on it's way in. ETA in three minutes." Luka opened one eye and frowned.

"So assess it and send for me if you need help. Pratt is on the floor," he growled. Morris didn't budge from the door and Luka finally stood up. He strode out of the door and headed toward the ambulance bay doors. He didn't see Morris' clenched victory fist or the look that passed between Morris and Chuny.

By two he was exhausted. He took an icy shower and choked down a sandwich from the cafeteria. Still, he needed some sleep or his patients might be in serious jeopardy. Patients? It was so slow. The ER was humming along fine. Surely he could nap a bit in the call room but every time he headed there Morris would come up with another meaningless and asinine request for attention. He was being even more of a prick than usual. Luka looked up from the charts he was signing as Morris stucke his head out of an exam room and gestured toward yet another kid inside.

"Probably just an ear ache, Luka," Chuny said as she passed. "Morris can handle it. Go take a nap." Greg gestured again and then Luka frowned. He stared at Chuny's retreating back and then at Morris. It suddenly occurred to him what was happening.

"Chuny!" he called. She turned around where she stood next to Morris. They looked at one another with wide eyes as Luka headed toward them. Luka reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed each of them a ten dollar bill and then headed toward the call room and the bunks in there.

"How did he know?" Morris furrowed his brows in confusion. Chuny reached over and snatched the money from his hand.

"Looks like he's headed for a nap to me," she grinned and slipped the money into her pocket.

Luka sighed wearily as he let himself into the apartment door at 8 o'clock. The television was playing softly. He could smell something delicious coming from the oven. He grinned slightly when his eyes landed on the couch. Abby was sleeping. She was snuggled in one of her night gowns and a robe. He could see Joe's monitor on the table and the lead lines going through the buttoned front of her light gown. He knew exactly where to find his tiny son. Luka dropped his bag on the table near the door and made his way to the coffee table in front of the couch. He checked the monitor and then sat on the table in front of her. Luka reached out and brushed a strand of dark hair off her face. Abby's eyes flew open and her arms wrapped tighter around her chest. She looked up at him and smiled as she stretched a little.

"I think I have this all figured out," she sighed. "When he sleeps, I sleep." Luka chuckled and gently pulled back the neck of the nightie to see Joe's dark head nestled between her breasts.

"You made dinner," he said. She nodded.

"Figured I owed you that much," she said as she shifted herself and sat up on the couch and jostled the sleeping baby a bit. "We ate so much take out this weekend….." Luka chuckled.

"I didn't mind. I loved this weekend." Abby grimaced at him.

"Right….." she nodded sarcastically.

"I did!" Luka moved to sit next to her on the couch and put his arm behind her head. Abby nestled in closer. They both looked down at the baby and Luka traced a gentle finger along Joe's cheek to Abby's full breast. The baby frowned and then his eyes opened. He yawned and blinked before screwing his face up in frustration.

"Oh…thank you….not!" Abby nudged Luka and he chuckled. She shifted Joe in her arms and grinned as he immediately began rooting for her breast.

"I am beginning to sense a preference for this kangaroo hold thing too," she sighed happily. "Your son definitely doesn't like clothes."

"Neither do I when I am sleeping next to his mother," Luka grinned. "Like father, like son?" Abby turned her liquid brown eyes up at him and smiled softly. Luka pressed a kiss to her lips and then they nestled back on the couch and watched him as Joe nursed.


	6. Tuesday Trials

Tuesday Trials

They both heard the noise from the monitor. Luka reached over without opening his eyes and nudged her. She pulled a pillow over her head. He nudged her again.

"Abby…" He sighed as Joe wailed from the nursery.

"It's your turn, Luka," she said from under the pillow.

"He's hungry." She pulled her head out from under the pillow, listened a second and then looked at him.

"No, he's not. I'd know if it was a hunger cry. Believe me." Luka groaned and opened his eyes. He crawled out from under the coverlet and stumbled around the bed toward the door. Abby smiled and snuggled down for an extra few minutes of sleep.

Luka made his way into the nursery with his eyes barely open. He blinked as he switched on the light and moved toward the crib. He stood for a moment and gazed down at his furious, red faced son. A smile crept across his face as he undid the lead lines to the monitor and lifted the baby in his hands to his shoulder. He shook his head when he felt the soggy diaper. He hated it when she was right...especially at this hour in the morning. He carried Joe to the changing table and undid the snaps of his stretchy sleeper and took it off him. He removed the diaper and dropped it in the diaper pail next to the table. Joe responded with a strong stream of urine that caught his father square in the chest.

"Ah!" Luka yelped and then grinned. He kept a hand on Joe's soft belly and whipped the sodden tee shirt off. He tossed it into Joe's laundry basket and used wipes to clean himself and then the baby. He replaced the diaper and then held the now whimpering baby to his shoulder. Luka crooned softly in Croatian and then settled himself in the rocker with his son nestled on his bare chest. Joe pulled a fist into his mouth and shuddered. Luka rocked slowly and caressed the baby's back with his big hand. It wasn't but a few minutes later that they were both sound asleep again.

She'd showered, dressed for work and Luka still hadn't returned to their bed. Abby knew how she would find them. She leaned against the door of the nursery for a moment and watched them. Luka's big hand spread across Joe's back and held him securely against his warm chest. His head was back against the rocker and his dark hair fell across his forehead. His long lashes were closed and his mouth opened a little as he snored softly. She chuckled and moved forward to take the baby from his arms. Luka started and then grinned when he looked up at her.

"I was going to bring him in to you," he said. "I really was."

"Uh huh…." She nodded as she settled herself on the couch and unbuttoned her shirt.

"Remember when we BOTH used to jump when he even whimpered on that monitor?" she sighed. "He's only been home for two months. What in the world happened to us?" Luka leaned forward in the rocker and shook his head. His elbows were on his knees and he cupped his chin in his hands as he watched her nurse Joe.

"We're working parents now," he grinned. Abby reached up and caressed his cheek.

"I feel like we hardly ever see each other," she said.

"It's just for a couple more months, Abby," he said after he kissed her palm. "When he's old enough and strong enough for the hospital day care center, it will be easier for all of us. Right now Lydia is working out fine." Abby nodded and smiled down at Joe. His hazel eyes were fixed on her face and he stopped sucking for a moment and smiled up at her. Abby grinned. Lydia **was** working out fine. Haleh was the one that suggested asking her to take care of Joe. She was retired now and and bored and looking for something to do. She enjoyed coming in and taking care of the baby during the hours when their shifts over lapped. Most of the time they worked on opposite days anyway. As much as she loved her time with Joe, she missed Luka. He had promised that they would do this together….but it didn't feel like they were 'together' much these days. Abby looked up at him again and shook her head. His eyes were closed and he was back to sleep. She really didn't blame him. He had worked the night shift and had barely gotten home when he'd gotten up with Joe. She looked down at the baby and jostled him a bit as he pulled away from her.

"Are you going to cooperate with him today, kiddo?" she said as she refastened the nursing bra and buttoned the shirt again. "Go right back to sleep for a while, eh?" Abby stood up and carried Joe to his crib and slipped him into a clean stretchy sleeper. She kissed his cheek and settled him back in the crib. She glanced at her watch and shook her head.

"Gotta go," she sighed as she kissed the top of Luka's head. He opened his eyes and then stood up and stretched. He followed her out of the nursery and wrapped his arms around her in the hall.

"Have a good shift," he whispered as they rocked together for a minute. She looked up and smiled and he bent his head to kiss her.

"Damn, I miss you…" she said softly. He grinned and kissed her. He lost his balance and fell back against the wall.

"Go to bed," Abby laughed as she headed down the staircase. Luka watched her go and waved when she looked back up at him.

She loved the work. She really, really did. Abby couldn't imagine working anywhere else in the hospital. She'd dutifully done her rotations in the different departments but felt more at home in the ER than any where else. It was fast moving. She loved the mystery solving of diagnostic medicine. She loved handing things off to other doctors knowing that they would be acting on her skills. Most of all…..and she never told anyone this…..it was easier not to have a long term relationship with any of the patients. They came and they were gone. At times they came back but hardly ever into her care again. It was better that way. It was..….safer. It was that way in her life….always. People came and were gone…Susan…Jake…Carter…..her father. Even her mother and Eric were here one day and gone the next. The only one that had ever really stayed for long was Luka. Oh, he had gone as well….but he came back. He was a friend before he was a lover….and a friend after as well. He was staying. No matter what…wasn't he?

"Abby?" Chuny nudged her and Abby looked up from the little boy's head lac.

"Oh…..umm……flush it with saline and I'll have one of the interns come back with me to suture it." She looked up at the anxious mom and smiled.

"He's going to be just fine," she said. "A couple of stitches and you'll never know this happened. Next time, be careful around those picnic tables, kiddo." The tearful little boy nodded and hiccupped. Abby smiled and turned to leave.

"How is your baby?" Abby stopped and turned back.

"The last time we were here you were pregnant," the woman said. "Did you have a boy or a girl?" Abby frowned and then she smiled.

"A little boy," she said. "And he's just great." The woman nodded.

"Congratulations," she said as she grimaced toward her son. "Little boy world can be……exciting?" Abby laughed and left the exam room. She stopped short when she saw Luka standing at the admit desk chatting with Jerry. He stood up and smiled when he saw her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"We have dinner reservations," he said.

"We do?" Luka nodded. Abby gazed at him for a moment and then realized he was alone.

"And where is your son?"

"Spending the evening with Lydia and her husband," he replied. "We may pay big for this one. They are going to spoil him worse than we do. Can you leave now?"

"I have to suture a head lac on a six year old and then I'm finished." Luka nodded and glanced at his watch.

"Well……get to it then!" he grinned. "We'll be late." Abby laughed and glanced back at him in confusion as she headed off for a suture kit and a willing intern.

It had been a wonderful evening. She'd laughed when the dinner 'reservations' turned out to be for the bar and grill where they'd gone on their first date. He'd beaten her royally at the foos ball table this time…..and kissed her soundly at the bar when they sat for a drink. He had a beer and she had a club soda…..just as they had done so long ago. It was a wonderful release for them ...and a telling reminder of how far they had come.

Joe was sleeping when they stopped by Lydia's to pick him up. He slept soundly through the ride home and didn't even wake when they settled him in his crib. Luka tiptoed into their bedroom with a sly grin on his face. Abby looked up from the bed and laughed softly. He stretched out next to her and propped his head up on one elbow so he could look down at her. He cupped her chin in his hand a caressed her cheek gently. Abby closed her eyes and sighed. He reached over and picked up a strand of her silky hair and watched as it slipped through is fingers.

"You know, we might want to hurry just in case he doesn't cooperate," she said. Luka grinned.

"And what if he doesn't wake up?" he asked. Abby frowned thoughtfully.

"We get to do it again?" she offered. Luka laughed happily and she studied his face as her hands slipped to the waistband of his pants. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheeks and to her nose and to each eye lid as she undid the belt and fumbled with the clasp on his pants. His mouth sought hers and he reached down to help her with her own slacks.

"This is crazy," she mumbled. "It's going to take forever."

"You're right," he said. They separated and slid hurriedly to separate sides of the bed to finish undressing. Luka whipped back the coverlet and they sought each other under the dark sheets. Abby giggled as she pressed against him and felt his urgency.

"How long has it been?"

"I don't know and I don't care," he said. "But I want it right now." She laughed and wrapped her arms round his neck, straining to get closer to him as their lips came together. Luka rolled her under him and then suppressed a laugh.

"What?" she groaned as she pressed her head back into the pillows to look up at him.

"It's nothing," he said. "I just got this flash of you wanting to eat pop tarts all the time when you were pregnant."

"What!"

"I know…..it's stupid and forget about it." His lips covered hers and she pulled back slightly.

"There is a box of the new mint chocolate chip ones in the freezer," she said against his kiss. "Just in case you want to get me one later."

"Much later……." Luka sighed and bent back to the task at hand. Abby laughed quietly and helped him along.


	7. Wednesdays Woes

Abby stopped stacking the clean towels in the bathroom closet for a moment and listened. She could hear Luka chuckling and the same three or four bars of music playing from his stereo over and over again. What was he doing? She went to work on the sink counter and put the cap back on the toothpaste tube. She frowned slightly. There it was again. The music and the chuckle. She dropped the toothpaste into the small basket on the counter that held their toothbrushes. She swiped the counter clean and then dropped the antibacterial paper towel into the trash. Curiously she made her way to the steps and down to the livingroom.

Luka was slouched way down on the black leather couch with his bare feet balanced on the glass coffee table. He had Joe's plastic seat next to him but turned so the baby was facing him. Abby leaned over the back of the couch and smiled at Joe.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Luka started in surprise and then he grinned up at her.

"Hey, Mom..." he drawled. "Watch what we can do." Joe waved a small barbell rattle and kicked his feet happily. Abby laughed.

"Microphone..." Luka stage whispered as his finger tapped the rattle. He put a long finger on Joe's chin and then used the remote control to start the music in the stereo. As the singing started, Luka pulled on Joe's bottom lip and Abby groaned as her son perfectly lip synced along with Barry Manilow singing 'Copacabana'. Luka chuckled and Joe waved his 'microphone' and kicked again, basking in the attention he was getting from his parents.

"Luka...if you're going to play like that at least use some **good** music!" He laughed as she tickled their son and rubbed a hand on his tummy.

"What good music? Some of that...noise...you like? We wouldn't be able to understand the words...the clean ones anyway." She smacked the back of his head playfully and Luka chuckled again. He gazed up at her with teasing, twinkling eyes and she grinned as she leaned in to kiss him. Joe kicked again.

"You too?" Abby laughed as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. His arms and legs were moving happily as they watched him for a moment...grinning like fools.

"Do you have a grocery list ready?" she asked finally. Luka shook his head.

"Nah. I know what we need," he said. "I'll do the shopping."

"Luka..." Abby whined piteously. He shook his head and straightened in his seat.

"I'll get that cocoa stars sugar crispy whatever else that crap is that you eat for breakfast," he groaned. "I promise."

"And milk..." she said.

"And milk." He shook his head and slid his feet into his sandals as he stood up. She loosened the safety belt on the seat and lifted Joe into her arms. Luka pressed a kiss to his head and to her's as he headed toward the door. He checked his pocket for his wallet and stopped to watch her for a moment as she moved toward the stereo.

"Now this is **good** music, son," she crooned as she kissed the baby and pushed the buttons. Luka shook his head when she started dancing with Joe as her favorite Raconteurs' song blasted from the speakers. She grinned and waved as Luka rolled his eyes and left.

They definitely were a contradiction in styles. They always had been. But it was fun to make it work again. They teased and cajoled, argued and made up. These days, they always made up...whenever they could. Luka shook his head as he searched the shelves and found the cereal box she wanted. He tossed it into the shopping cart and then added a box of oatmeal as well.

He'd put the grocery bags in the car and was making his way through traffic when his pager went off. He pulled it from his pocket and read the text. It was the hospital. His eyes widened and he frowned. It was Joe.

Luka put his turn signal on and waited at the crossing to change lanes and turn his vehicle around. He headed toward the hospital, his heart pumping wildly in his chest. What could have happened? He hadn't been gone that long, had he?

His car careened into a just emptied parking spot in front of the ER. He jumped out and waved toward the angry driver of the car he'd cut off and ran inside.

"Exam three," Jerry called out as he saw Luka approach. Without a word, Luka turned and strode toward the exam room. Abby looked up at him as he burst in the door.

"I couldn't wake him up," she said grimly. "He was blue, Luka."

"He's fine now," Matt Gillespie said as he jostled Joe in his arms. "I think he just missed seeing all of us. You don't bring him around to visit enough." The pediatric resident adjusted the oxygen prongs in Joe's nose and handed the baby to Luka. Abby stood with her arms folded and a slight frown on her face as Luka and Matt switched places at the gurney and untangled themselves from the oxygen tubing. Matt put a reassuring hand on Abby's shoulder.

"He's a tough little guy," he said, "and he's fine, Abby." She smiled slightly and nodded as he left the room. Luka crooned and rocked the baby as he started to whimper and then settled down again. His eyes rested on Abby's face. She was gazing thoughtfully at Joe and then looked up at him.

"We played for a little while after you left. I nursed him and then I put him back in his seat so I could read some of the articles I haven't been able to get to. I thought he would go back to sleep for a little while."

"Did he have the monitor on?" She shook her head and lifted her eyes to his again.

"I was sitting right there, Luka. I was right next to him." She shook her head and sighed. He reached across the gurney and squeezed her shoulder.

"You heard Matt, Abby. He's fine." She nodded and tightened her folded arms against her.

"Next time, I get to do the shopping," she whispered. Luka shook his head and sighed.

"That's not why..." he said. Her eyes darted back to his and then she looked around.

"I need to get out of here," she said. "Can you wait to sign him out and then take him home?"

"Abby..."

"Please." Luka gazed at her for a long moment and then nodded slowly.

"His car seat is in your car, right?" Luka nodded again. She circled the end of the gurney and pressed a light kiss to Joe's cheek. Luka stopped her as she turned away and she looked up at him.

"We will be waiting for you," he said softly. She gazed at him and nodded. Luka stared after her worriedly and then grinned as Joe reached up for his chin. He lifted the baby to his shoulder and softly crooned a familiar Croatian lullaby.

Abby was aware that they were watching her as she left the ER. They were always watching her. Everyone. Waiting for her to mess up. Waiting for her do something to hurt the baby. Hurt him? She would never hurt him. Not intentionally anyway. He was her child. Her son. And Luka's. The only child they would ever be able to have together. The only one. And he was in danger. Because of her. Wasn't he? She couldn't take care of him. She couldn't keep him safe. What could she do to protect him? Could she protect him? What could she do?

Abby pushed her way through the people waiting to cross the street and made her way down the busy sidewalk. Her thoughts were frightening her. The words spinning through her head sounded like one of Maggie's rants. The rants she had grown up with. Oh God. Was it happening to her too? She was panicking. She couldn't get her breath. She stopped and leaned her hand up against the storefront window next to her. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and gasped quietly. Her eyes opened and she focused on the room through the window. Laughing people. Dark. Glasses. Tall ones. Short squat ones. Bottles. She could hear the glass clinking in her ears. The sound was roaring in her ears. Laughing. Liquids sloshing...burning in her throat...and then peace. She wanted that peace. She wanted it again. She desperately wanted it again. She needed it.

Abby turned and leaned her back against the glass window. She looked up at the skyscrapers and darkening sky above her. The flashing street signs. The sounds of traffic moving. She stepped aside and smiled as someone opened the door to enter the bar. Her hand reached for the door handle herself and then she stopped.

Luka.

Luka and Joe.

She took a deep breath and thrust her hands into the pockets of her light jacket. She fought the bile that was building in her throat and took a deep breath. She thought about the fun they'd had with him. The music war. Her head began to clear a little as she looked around again. She hadn't been in a while but it wasn't far from here. She could walk.

The room was brightly lit when she opened the door. People were sitting in chairs, milling about and chatting. Someone pressed a cup of coffee into her hands but she set it down again. She found a chair and sat. Resting. The roaring was gone from her head and she sighed heavily. She looked toward the front table as someone clapped.

"Hello...I'm Nancy," a woman said. Abby's voice joined those that responded 'Hi, Nancy'. She sighed again and began to relax.

Peace.


	8. Wednesday Wonderful

Wednesday Wonderful

Luka didn't ask where she'd gone that night. He was asleep on the couch when she got home. The television was on. She took her jacket off and laid it over the chair by the door. She sat on the coffee table in front of him and switched the tv off with the remote. She watched him sleep for a long moment and then jostled him. His eyes flew open and he stretched a bit.

"Hey..." he'd said as he rubbed his face with his hands. "You okay?" Abby's brows furrowed thoughtfully and then she nodded.

"For now." Their eyes met and held for a long moment.

"I can fix you some dinner," he said. She shook her head.

"Not really hungry." Luka shrugged and sat back again. He tried to avoid her eyes and then chuckled.

"What?" he asked finally. She just toyed with the buttons on her sweater and sighed. Their eyes met again and a slow smile spread across his face.

"Am I going to be happy that I took this little nap?" he asked slowly. She frowned playfully and stood up.

"I have no idea what you mean," she said as she moved toward the staircase to their room. She left her shoes near the dining table. He watched as her jeans slipped to the floor and she effortlessly stepped out of them and continued to the stairs. The sweater was just being pulled over her head when he jumped up and bounded after her. Abby shrieked as he swept her into his arms and carried her up the stairs, down the short hall and into their bedroom. He sat her on the bed and grinned as he yanked the tee shirt he wore over his head and tossed it in the general direction of the clothes hamper. He looked down and saw that she had shrugged her shoulders out of the nursing bra she wore.

"Oh my," he said as he looked down at her.

"What?" He lifted his hands to his mouth for a minute and then sighed. He drew his fingers through his dark hair and smiled.

"I...mean...I liked them a lot before..." he said quickly. "But there is definitely something to be said for nursing mothers." Abby looked down at her chest and than laughed.

"I know," she said happily. "I like them too...but be careful because I haven't..." Her words were lost as Luka raised her face to his and kissed her...first gently and then deeper. She lifted her fingers to the fastenings on his jeans and slipped the pants over his hips and down his legs. Luka groaned as he pressed her back in to the pillows on their bed. He kicked off the pants and joined her there. He studied her swollen breasts for a moment and then traced a gentle finger around a nipple. The same finger found it's way down her chest to her belly and then hooked itself in the elastic of her panties. Abby giggled breathlessly and Luka looked up at her and grinned. Their lips found each other again and he lifted her on top of him as his arms found their way around her shoulders and his hands splayed on her back. And then it happened.

The monitor on the table beside them began to wail. Luka's hands fell and she lifted her face to the ceiling in frustration.

"Crap!" she groaned and slipped to the edge of the bed.

"Hold that thought," she said desperately as she grabbed her robe from the back of the door and swung it over her as she headed toward the nursery.

"I'm right here," he heard her say and he smiled as Joe's cries lessened and he heard her talking to him as he knew she was undoing the apnea monitor lines. Then he grimaced as he listened to her singing to their son. The punk rock love song was bad enough but her singing was...well...didn't enhance the song at all. He tried to suppress a laugh and shook his head.

"I heard that..." she said through the monitor. "You're not that much better Mr. Our Love Will Go On Forever..." Luka laughed again and shifted his head on his folded arm. This moment...this time...was wonderful. Really, really wonderful.


	9. Thursday Tribunal

**Ooops...this is what I get for writing several fics at the same time. This one contains a spoiler for season 13. Just caught it myself. Sorry about that.**

Thursday's Tribunal

Luka was in the kitchen making breakfast when she came down the stairs with Joe in her arms. He looked up at her and grinned knowingly. She blushed and batted her eye lashes at him as she passed and slipped Joe into his bouncer on the breakfast counter. She strapped him in and took a moment to nuzzle him and pat his hands together. Joe kicked his feet as his eyes studied his mother's face as she talked to him. Luka grinned again as he watched them.

'Hungry?" he asked.

"Famished," she replied as she played pat a cake with Joe.

"You must have gotten some exercise last night or something," he snickered. She quickly covered the baby's ears with her hands.

"Shut up..." she scolded him. Luka grinned and laughed. He carried two plates around the counter to the table and set them at their places. Abby carried Joe's seat to the table and set him in the middle where they could watch him. Luka grinned at him before he took a bite. Abby sighed and then noticed the blue dress shirt Luka was wearing. She frowned as she cut into her french toast.

"'Do you have an early shift today?" she asked. Luka shook his head.

"I'm not on till 2 but I have a meeting with Dr. Anspaugh and the head haunches with the legal department."

"Honchos...head honchos," she corrected. Luka rolled his eyes.

"What ever..."

"What's the meeting about?" She asked. Luka looked at her pointedly and rolled his eyes again.

"You're kidding?" she said as she sat back in her chair. Luka shrugged.

"That has been going on for months..." she sighed. "I thought the hospital was hoping to settle."

"Maybe they still are," Luka said as he stretched a finger out for the baby to grab. Abby ate silently as she watched the two of them. She glanced down at his untouched plate.

"You're not eating," she scolded. Luka looked down at the food and shook his head.

"Luka..."

"So...what are you doing? Calculating **my **proteins now?" he chuckled.

"Serves you right," Abby said as she shook a fork at him. "You made **me** miserable for months doing that." Luka laughed.

"Worth it though?' he asked as he tipped his dark head in the direction of the baby.

"Worth it," she smiled. She bent back to her breakfast plate and watched him worriedly out of the corner of her eye.

"I have to find a birthday present for Eric today, " she said as she set the fork on her empty plate. "Is it okay if we ride in with you?" His face brightened as he looked at her and nodded.

"Eat something first," she ordered.

"That's blackmail..." She nodded. He chuckled ruefully and picked up his fork. Abby grinned and wiped his chin with a napkin. He caught her hand and pressed a kiss to the palm.

"Thank you," he said softly.

The three of them rode the el into the city. Luka had an arm wrapped around her as they both held onto the pole with Joe strapped snugly into the baby carrier in front of her. Luka smiled through the whole ride. He loved the feel of the three of them together. She left him at the ER ambulance bay. Luka pressed a kiss to the top of the little baseball cap on Joe's head and then kissed her. They waved and waited until he disappeared inside. Abby sighed and headed toward the nearby shopping district.

She was nursing Joe in his office when Luka came down from the lengthy meeting. He was surprised to see her but kissed her, rubbed the baby's head for a second and then sat down at his desk. He loosened the tie he wore and sighed.

"Oh, this is not good..." Abby said as she watched him. Luka shook his head.

"It's going to court," he sighed heavily.

"Against the hospital?"

"And me..." he shrugged.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she said. Luka watched her as she shifted Joe to a more comfortable position and then sat back in the chair.

"The guy had a stroke, Abby. He was in my ER for three days."

"And Joe had NEC," she said. "How can you stop anything like that? You just try, right? Did you try?" He looked at her for a long moment and then nodded.

"Well then..." she lifted Joe as he pulled away from her. She held him up and smiled. She sat him on her lap and adjusted her sweater and then stood up. She rounded his desk and plopped the baby in his lap.

"Your turn," she said. "I have to use the restroom." He nodded and tipped his chair back and crossed his feet on the edge of his desk. She stopped at the door and turned to look at him.

"It wasn't 'your ER' then Luka," she said. "He shouldn't have been here for 3 days anyway. It would have happened somewhere else. It's not your fault." Luka just nodded and smiled at the baby in his lap. She watched the two of them for a moment and then left them alone.

Luka lifted his son to his face and nuzzled the soft baby cheek. Joe grabbed a fistful of his hair and Luka chuckled as he worked to untangle the tight little fingers. He sat him back on his chest. He tried coaxing a smile by making faces and funny noises.

"Think you are smart?" he said. "You are...you are a very smarty boy." Luka grinned and hummed . "Grba Smetište sat na zidni...and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..." He lifted him again and then groaned as Joe emptied the contents of his stomach all over his father's shirt and suit coat. Abby opened the door and grimaced. She tried to suppress a laugh as she hurried to take Joe from Luka. He held out his hands and looked down in frustration.

"Ti si malen odvratno celjade!" he said sharply as he shook his finger at Joe. The baby puckered up and began to wail.

"Aww, honey..." Abby crooned as she hugged him to her. She kissed his cheek. "What did you just say to him?" Luka scowled and tried in vain to clean his clothes.

"I'll get you some scrubs, Luka. I can drop the suit at the cleaners on my way home." Abby said as she headed toward the door. "We'll be right back..." She was laughing as she pulled the door shut. Luka sighed heavily and then he chuckled as he shook his head. Served him right. Not just for moving Joe around so much after he'd just nursed. Served him right for forgetting what was really important in his life. A court case? It would go away eventually. Joe...and Abby...would be there long after any court case...no matter what.


	10. Chapter 10

He was sitting on the couch flicking through channels on the television aimlessly when she carried the basket of baby clothes in from the laundry . She watched him for a moment and then plopped the basket on the coffee table and sat down beside him. She glanced toward the television.

"Ah...celebrity poker," she said. "I know what Neela's watching."

"She's working a shift tonight." He didn't look at her as he continued to change the channels. She sighed and began to fold the clothes in the basket. Luka turned the television off and pulled a soft sleeper out of the basket and folded it. He handed it to her and pulled another one out. Abby watched him and then nudged him.

"Hey...if you help with this stuff I won't have anything to complain about like the other Moms at the park." Luka looked at her with a slight frown on his face and than grinned when he saw the tease in her eyes. He reached his hand up and let it rest on the crook of her neck. His thumb traced her jaw and his smile faded. Abby reached up and grasped his hand in her's.

"Luka," she said quietly. "This stuff is a fact of a doctor's life. You know that. I can't believe you have done your job this long without having to go to court before."

"I probably should have gone. Remember when I..." She put a finger on his lips to stop him.

"Remember that guy that came in with the gunshot last week? You saved his life. Remember the little boy from the car accident a month ago? Ray wanted to call it and you refused. He's alive today. Remember when they brought..."

"I get it. I get it." Luka laughed. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him. He kissed the top of her head and sighed.

"I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could actually get through my life without you," he said. She tipped her head up and looked at him. Luka's eyes met her's and they smiled. She snuggled a little closer and closed her eyes.

"Abby..." he said quietly after a long moment. Her eyes opened and she waited. He didn't say anything.

"I'm not ready yet, Luka," she said quietly...finally. She sat up and looked at him. "I love this. I really, really do but..." She stopped when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She put a hand to his cheek.

"I love... you," she said. "I'm just afraid..."

"Of what?" he said sharply. She studied his face thoughtfully.

"Of being hurt, I guess," she said. "Or of hurting you...maybe? I don't know." Luka frowned as he looked at her.

"And you're not hurting me now?" Luka shifted and picked her hands up in his.

"Abby, what are we waiting for? We are living together. We are raising a child together. We went through so much with him...together. " She was nodding as he spoke and she sighed. Luka groaned in frustration and ran his hands through his hair. He shook his head and then glanced over at her again.

"So...are you done helping me with this?" She swung a pair of Joe's overalls on her finger. Luka shook his head and then smiled as she grinned. He took them, folded the jeans and handed him to her. She waited until their eyes met again and then leaned forward to kiss him. Luka wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Neither of them noticed as the basket tipped and then fell to the floor.


	11. Chapter 11

He didn't see her when he pulled himself out of the cab and glanced around the park. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed some bills to the cab driver. He rapped on the top of the cab and then replaced his wallet as the cab drove off. He straightened and looked around as he walked down the sidewalk. Then he saw them.

Abby and Joe.

She sat on a plaid blanket leaning her back against a tree. There was a small picnic basket next to her as well as the backpack they used for Joe's things. She was holding the baby up against her raised knees and was talking animatedly to him. Luka stood and watched them for a moment. He grinned softly. He loved watching her at moments like this...when she wasn't aware that he was doing it. She'd been so worried...so frightened...about doing the right things. She was so relaxed with him usually. So good. She'd been worried about nothing at all. Luka sauntered across the grass toward them and Abby looked up as she saw him approach.

"Hi," she said as she blinked in the sun when she looked up at him. Luka dropped down on to the blanket next to her and chucked Joe under the chin. The baby 's mouth spread into a wide toothless grin and his dark eyes crinkled in delight. Luka laughed and then kissed Abby lightly on the lips. He turned back to the baby and then lifted him from Abby's grasp. He lay back on the blanket and sat Joe on his chest. Abby straightened the collar on the baby's soft shirt and adjusted the straps of the denim overalls.

"Thought you'd like a little break from take out," she said. "And it's probably one of the last few times we can do this before it's too cold." Luka nodded and glanced around the busy park. They weren't the only ones taking advantage of the last of the season's warmer weather. He sighed heavily and looked up into the bower of orange and yellow leaves above him. His eyes shifted to her face and he smiled slightly. She was watching him with a bit of a worried frown.

"Rough shift?" she asked. Luka shrugged and lifted Joe over his face and kissed his cheek. He straightened his arms and Joe grinned as he was held aloft and Luka swung him gently as if he were flying. Abby stretched her legs out and smiled at the two of them.

"It's better now," Luka said. His eyes met her's and she smiled as she drew her fingers gently through his rough shock of hair. Luka brought Joe down to his chest and closed his eyes as he held him there in his hands. The warmth of the sun. The crisp smell of Autumn air. The sounds of laughter around them. Abby. Joe. This was a moment of pure perfection.

"Maggie called today," Abby said as she stroked the top of his head.

"She did?" Abby nodded and sighed heavily.

"She's trying to make some plans for the holidays this year. Time off work...that sort of thing." Luka nodded and grinned as Joe shoved a fist into his mouth and drool spilled down his chin onto the overalls. He reached up to wipe it away with the sleeve of his dress shirt.

"Think he's teething already?" he asked. Abby shrugged.

"Maybe." She glanced out over the choppy waters of Lake Michigan and sighed.

"I've never known my mother to make...plans...for much of anything like this," she said with a frown. "It worries me. Like she's trying to be all normal family or something." Luka chuckled.

"What's wrong with that?" Abby looked down at him and bit her lip.

"I didn't know what to say to her," she said. 'We...you and I... haven't really talked about what we want to do this year. I mean, I usually work on the holidays so that people with families could spend time with them..."

"Not last year," he interrupted. "We spent last Christmas together." Abby smiled and leaned down to kiss him.

"Yes..." she said softly. "We did." They were both quiet as they remembered the days they had spent alone...agonizing about the decision they - she - had to make then.

"So...by all rights...we should be scheduled to work this year...a rotating kind of thing?" Abby sighed. Luka handed her the baby and then rolled over on his stomach to look at her.

"I want to take some time off to go home this year," he said. "I want to take Joe...and you...to meet my family." Abby's eyes widened a bit and she shifted Joe to her shoulder and patted his back absently.

"Maybe your mother can come here for Christmas," he went on. 'We can spend time with her, still work the holiday and she can watch him for us. After the holidays we can plan a longer trip to Croatia...together." Luka's eyes searched her face to see her reaction. He frowned a bit at her hesitation to the suggestion.

"I'm still working through the 'she can watch him for us' part," she said. Luka laughed and dropped his head to the blanket.

"Abby...he will be fine," he mumbled in frustration. He lifted his head and then grinned as he saw the twinkle in her eye.

"So, you really want to take us to meet your family?" she asked.

"I do," he replied emphatically. 'It's time."

"It's time?" He grinned and nodded.

"It's definitely time." Abby shrugged and hugged Joe to her shoulder and pulled her feet up on the blanket.

"I guess I'd better apply for a passport then," she said. Luka grinned and sat up on the blanket. He slipped a hand to the back of her neck and drew her mouth to his in a slow, lingering kiss. Abby gasped slightly and he laughed as he drew back and she shifted Joe in her arms. Her pager beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket. Luka took Joe as she read the text line and shook her head.

"They need me at work early," she said. She slipped her feet back into her sandals and kissed the back of Joe's head. She grinned and then kissed Luka. He looked disappointed.

"Not my fault," she said as she stood up. "The ER chief scheduled me for the overnight shift."

"Yeah...yeah...you know it was your turn again," he grumbled. "But we're both off tomorrow..."

"Great!" she laughed as she backed away toward the sidewalk. "We can spend the entire day in bed!" His face brightened and he waved as she turned and jogged down the sidewalk to the street. He held Joe away from him and studied the baby's somber little face. He grinned and then Joe smiled and kicked his feet. Luka snuggled him close and then reached for the picnic basket she'd made for him.

Yes...it was time that he took her to meet his family. Definitely.


	12. Chapter 12

She didn't know when it happened. She wasn't exactly sure about the moment she began to feel that they were a couple...a family. Was it when she was pregnant and spending most of her nights with him at his place? Snuggled in bed together with his hand resting protectively on her growing belly? Fussing about the food that she dared to put in her mouth? Was it during those horrible weeks with Joe in NICU? Worrying about the same issues and trying to make sure the other one believed that everything was going to be all right? Was it when they brought him home and dealt with those first sleepless nights of nursing and diapers and baths and trying to fit his schedule into theirs? Getting to know the tiny little piece of humanity that they had created? Together.

Now their days seemed like a well rehearsed ballet. They knew instinctively who was responsible for what. They could read nearly every cry and knew exactly what the baby needed. They could weave in and around one another effortlessly in the kitchen and the bathroom. When did that happen? Abby sighed and filled out a check to pay another one of their bills. Even their finances had been mingled and meddled with. Sometimes checks were written from her account and other times from his. No one was keeping count. She knew the whys and wherefores of all of his banking and sometimes that seemed even more personal than knowing the ins and outs of his underwear drawer. She suppressed a smile and remembered that it was his turn to do the laundry. Maybe she would surprise him and get it started for him. She was working a night shift and he would be home soon. She would have an early dinner ready for the two of them and then she would leave him with Joe for the night. Her two guys. Her family. And when had that happened?

Abby added the sealed envelope to the pile on the counter and then cocked an ear toward the baby monitor. She could hear Joe stirring in his crib and she knew it would only be a moment before it turned into a full blown wail. She hurried up the steps to their bedroom and gathered the clothes in the laundry basket. She tossed the basket down the steps and then hurried into Joe's room. She stood at the crib for a moment and looked down at him. His face was screwed up tight and he was screaming. She spread her hand over his tummy and jiggled him a bit. His eyes opened and he looked up at her as the crying stopped. She grinned and wiped away the tears that had slipped down the sides of his face. She traced a finger through the soft dark hair that covered his scalp.

"Hey baby," she crooned as she picked him up and cuddled him to her shoulder. She enjoyed the feel of him for a moment as she soothed him and then laid him on the changing table to slip his soft pants off. She reached for a new diaper without looking and changed him, talking all the while. Joe's eyes never left her face and he kicked his legs in response to the song she was singing to him now. Abby laughed and tucked his shirt back into this pants and picked him up again. She carried him down the steps and put him in the baby swing near the table. She wound it up and set it to swinging before she turned to kick the clothes that had spilled from the laundry basket back into a pile. She filled the basket again and carried it to the small washer dryer unit that Luka had purchased before they brought Joe home. It made things much easer than running to the laundry room all the time. She glanced toward the baby and grinned as she saw that he had been following her with his eyes. They had learned that he was content in the swing as long as he could see someone. Step out of sight and he would wail. Once she had gotten a load of clothes going she lifted him from the swing and carried him with her to the kitchen. She switched him easily to her hip and opened the refrigerator. She pulled out the pan of the vegetarian lasagne she'd taken from the freezer earlier and put it in the oven. She turned it on and then looked at Joe. She chuckled and jostled him as he smiled at her. Abby kissed the top of his head and hugged him a little closer. When had all this happened?

One year ago she hadn't even thought that her life would be like this. Hadn't even considered that she would be together with Luka again...let alone with a child. She reached for some plates from the cupboard and thought about the events of a year ago. This was the month that Sydney had been brought into the ER. Clemente was still an attending. A frustratingly gifted teaching attending. Abby thought about the things she had learned from him. Mostly to not be afraid of trying something new if it meant good for the patient. She had both abhorred and respected that...until Sydney.

Why did the thought of that one little girl still bring a lump to her throat? So many patients wove their way in and out of the ER. Not all of them made it. Abby could still picture that little girl on the gurney. Could still see the freckles on her nose...those deadened eyes that were first filled with fear and then trust that Abby would make it all better...the injuries inflicted by the gun and the man who had held her for so long. Abby fought down the familiar lump in her throat and hugged Joe again as she set the plates and silver ware on the dining table. They had lost Sydney as a patient that night, but she had brought them together again, and so had eventually given them Joe.

They were on the couch together when Luka opened the door and tossed his bag onto the chair nearby. He slipped the suit jacket off and laid it neatly over the back of a chair at the table. He smiled softly as he saw the top of her head and then stepped quietly around the couch. She was reading aloud from a baby board book as Joe nursed at her breast.

"Hey Daddy," she said softly as she looked up at him. Luka brushed a strand of hair from her forehead and bent to kiss her. He pressed a kiss to the top of his son's head and then settled onto the couch next to her.

"Good day?" Abby asked as she tossed the book onto the coffee table and adjusted Joe in her arms. Luka nodded and sighed. He laced his fingers through her free hand and raised it to his lips for a kiss.

"Not too busy," he said. Abby groaned and shook her head.

"Oh great..." she sighed. "That means the night shift is going to get slammed." Luka chuckled and turned to look at her.

"And how was your day? Did you get any sleep?" Abby nodded.

"We took a nice long nap together," she sighed. Luka groaned.

"Oh great..." he mimicked her. "That means he's not going to sleep for me tonight." Abby laughed and looked down as Joe squirmed and then settled back to nursing. Luka watched them for a moment and then sighed in contentment.

"Do you ever think about her?" Abby asked. His eyes met her's in question and then he shrugged. He thought he knew who she meant.

"Sometimes," he said quietly. "It wasn't a good time." Sydney...putting Abby on the spot...fighting with Clemente... it wasn't exactly a day he liked to remember. That night however...was a different story.

"But if it hadn't happened..." she went on. "Maybe WE wouldn't have happened."

"We would have, Abby, sooner or later," Luka said and then squeezed her hand possessively. "We were meant to be." She looked at him and smiled. She jostled Joe again and then eased him away from her as he slept. Luka reached over and took the baby from her gently as so she could adjust her clothing. She stood up and lifted the baby into her arms again and settled him in the little day crib they kept downstairs. She turned back to Luka and pulled him to his feet. He wrapped an arm across her shoulders and then sat at the table she had set for the two of them. She carried the hot pan of lasagne from the oven to the table and sat next to him.

"Smells good," he sighed. She grinned and spread a cloth napkin across her lap.

"Oh, I forgot," he said and reached for his suit jacket. He pulled an envelope out of the pocket and handed it to her.

"Your passport came today," he said as she opened the envelope and pulled out the small blue booklet.

"So soon?" she frowned. Luka chuckled.

"Why are you frowning? It's a good thing." Abby shrugged and thumbed through the empty pages. She lifted her brown eyes to his and smiled hesitantly.

"We're really going..." she said. Luka smiled and picked her hand up.

"Yes, we are," he said as he pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. "And they are going to love you."

"You think?" she asked. Luka's smile widened confidently.

"I know it," he said. She sighed and set the passport on the table as he slipped a portion of lasagne on her plate. Luka watched her as she toyed with the fork in her hand, her eyes never leaving the little blue book next to her. He reached over and picked the passport up.

"So which picture did they choose?" he asked. Abby grabbed the passport from his hand and tucked it safely under her leg on the chair.

"You don't have to see that just yet," she scolded. Luka laughed and reached under her for the passport. Abby grabbed it and jumped up from her chair.

"Come on," he pleaded. "It has to be better than mine!" Abby shook her head frantically and tucked the passport down the front of her shirt and into her bra. Luka chortled and shook his head.

"It won't be the first time I have gone looking for something there!" he grinned as he jumped up. She laughed and moved around the table away from him. Luka shook his head as they chased and challenged around the livingroom. He finally managed to grab her and she squealed as he swung her into his arms.

"Luka...I have a shift!" she cried as he pressed a kiss to her lips.

"Don't care..." he murmured. Abby's hands crept to the sides of his face as their kiss deepened. Luka lost his balance and they fell onto the couch never breaking their kiss.

"Ouch..." he moaned slightly. She giggled and then yelped as his fingers pulled the passport out of her top. She pulled away and smacked him playfully. Luka held the passport out of her reach and opened it to the page with her picture. He grimaced when he saw what he wanted to see and shook his head.

"I knew it had to be better than mine," he groaned. Abby snatched it from him and climbed off of him. She glanced at her watch and shook her head.

"Now I'm going to be late..." she scowled. Luka chortled and watched her climb the staircase to change her clothes. She grinned at him from the top of the steps before she disappeared into the hall. Luka shook his head and relaxed on the couch for a moment. They were going to love her all right. His family was going to love her a lot.


	13. Chapter 13

Abby smiled as she stood at the railing of the el train bridge and watched the snow fall onto the street below her. They were big and clunky clods of flakes and fell from the steel gray morning sky as thick and fast as feathers from a torn down pillow. The clean, white snow had quickly covered the parked cars and the sidewalks below. She always loved the first snow fall of the season. It wasn't cold enough yet to be uncomfortable. Everything was fresh and new looking. Soon enough the snow plows would come through the streets and with their push, turn slushy gray stuff to the sidewalks. She lifted her face to the cold morning breeze and let the el train leave without her. It had been a tough shift. She was utterly exhausted. Standing still felt so good. She shivered a bit as a chill wind blew. She glanced back as another train pulled in and she turned to board it. It made no sense to be there when she had a perfectly good, warm bed waiting for her at home.

The apartment was dark when she turned her key in the door. He must still be sleeping. Abby dropped her bag on the table and threw her coat onto the couch. She slipped her feet out of her shoes and climbed the stairs to the second floor of the condo. She peeked in their bedroom and smiled softly as she heard Luka's quiet snores from the bed. She crossed the hall to the baby's room and made her way to Joe's crib. She was surprised to see him so quiet with his eyes wide open. It was as if he'd been waiting for her. She leaned over and touched his face and the baby broke into a huge grin. She laughed quietly and lifted him from the crib and cuddled him in her arms. She carried him to the changing table and took care of his soaked diaper. He played with his hands,kicked and cooed as she snapped the onesie and stretchy sleeper back in place.

"Hungry yet, kiddo?" she whispered as she kissed the soft hair on the top of his head and settled herself in the rocking chair. Joe's hand found her shirt and grasped a bit of the material. His dark eyes searched her face seriously and she chuckled.

"I guess you are," she sighed happily and unbuttoned her blouse. She held him close as he began to nurse in earnest and rocked back and forth in the chair Luka had gotten for her. She loved moments like this. It was so easy to forget about the chaos and frustration of the night before when she was snuggled with her baby. Everything seemed so right with the world. Her eyes began to drift closed and she shook her head to wake up. Joe was drifting back to sleep himself so she carefully eased him away and adjusted her clothes. His forehead puckered a little in a frown when she placed him back in the crib. She stood there a moment, stroking his cheek, watching as his face relaxed again and he was sleeping soundly. His mouth was open and she could hear the ever so slight sound of a snore. She rolled her eyes and shook her head before making her way across the hall to their room. Quietly she slipped out of her clothes and into the clean pajama pants and cami she pulled out of a drawer. She lifted the thick, warm coverlet on their bed and slipped under it, next to Luka. She snuggled her back against his chest and instinctively his arm slipped around her waist and held her even closer.

"How was your shift?" he said quietly in her ear and then rested his chin on the top of her head. She smiled and shifted against him carefully.

"It was brutal," she sighed. "Home is much better." Luka chuckled softly and she could feel him drifting back to sleep. There would be time later to tell him it was snowing. Plenty of time to tell him that she wanted to take Joe to the park to see it.

Abby wasn't sure how long she slept. She looked at the light coming in through the blinds and sighed. She blinked and checked the time on her alarm clock. Oh geez. Luka had an afternoon meeting to go to. Why had he let her sleep so long? She pulled on her robe and slipped her feet into the slippers next to her bed. Joe's room was empty so she clipped down the stairs and stopped when she saw them. She grinned and sat down on the steps quietly to watch.

Luka was standing at the window with Joe on one arm and a steaming cup in the other hand. They were both still dressed in their pajamas. He was talking to the little boy quietly and then leaned forward until they both had their noses pressed to the glass. Joe's hands spread out on the cold glass and it was just a moment before Luka pulled back. He set his cup on the window sill and blew a breath on the glass in front of him. He was still talking to their son as she watched him trace a heart in the frost with his finger. She chuckled as he finished with a flourishing 'L + A' in the center of the heart. Luka heard her and turned around with a smile.

"Hey..." he grinned. "Want something to eat?" She shook her head and sighed. Luka tipped his head toward the window.

"It's snowing," he said. She nodded.

"What time is your meeting?" she asked. Luka shrugged.

"About forty five minutes ago, I think." Abby frowned and stood up.

"I made you miss it?" she said. "I'm sorry." She moved toward them as Luka shook his head.

"You didn't make me miss it," he replied as he handed the little boy to her. "I called and told them something more important had come up." She looked up at him quizzically and Luka flashed a devastating smile and gestured to the window.

"This is my son's first snow fall," he said. "We're taking him to the park to play in it." Abby chuckled and jostled Joe in her arms. She leaned closer to Luka and he encircled them both with his arms. They stood for along moment and enjoyed watching the snow fall past the window...warm and content. Together.


	14. Chapter 14

She was floating...almost flying through the cool night air...arms out stretched and hands catching the wind as it breezed through her open fingers. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feel of having such freedom. She shook her head slowly so the strands of hair caught on her chin and nose were freed to join the tangles floating around her face and neck. She opened her eyes again and a silent scream caught in her throat as she saw the bus hit the ground in front of her and could almost feel the heat from the explosion.

Abby's eyes flew open and she sat straight up in her bed and clutched her stomach as a cold, clammy fear spread through her. She looked around the darkened room and tried to still the thudding of her heart The other side of the bed was empty. He was gone. Abby waited a moment to settle herself and then pushed the coverlet aside and padded across the hall to Joe's room. Luka wasn't there either. She went to the crib and held her breath as she took in the sight of the sweet little boy spreadeagled on the mattress there. He was zipped into a cozy green sleeper and his blanket was pushed to the end of the crib. Joe's cheeks were flushed as he slept and his mouth was open just a bit. His dark brows slashed across his forehead and the fingers of one hand were wrapped around the small plush frog she had finally managed to replace. They had gone to six toy stores but finally found it at a bookstore. She smiled and pressed a kiss to her finger tips and then touched his cheek.

Her hands were still shaking a bit as she made her way to the staircase and looked downstairs. The only light she could see came from the flashing timer on the microwave. It was three a.m. She made her way down the steps carefully and glanced around. He had pulled the curtains aside and the lights from the street cast an eerie early morning glow to the room. He was leaning back in a chair at the window, looking out the window to the sidewalk below. She made her way carefully to his side and saw the uneaten sandwich that sat on a napkin on the window sill.

"Can't sleep?" she asked quietly. Luka was startled but then smiled and put an arm around her waist. "What are you watching for?" He shook his head and shrugged.

"Nothing," he sighed. "Bad dream?" Abby shrugged and raked her fingers gently through the hair at his neck line.

"At least I woke up before I hit the ground this time," she sighed. Luka shook his head and drew her down into his lap and hugged her close to him. He sighed as she turned to look out the window. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Watching outside for...nothing? She grinned as he pushed her hair aside with his nose and nuzzled the bare curve of her neck with his lips. She giggled softly and cringed a bit as his beard stubble scratched her. Her eyes caught the open box of Christmas decorations nearby. He'd been busy while she'd slept. He'd gotten their holiday things out of their storage area in the basement. She shifted and reached into it to pull out the snow globe she'd packed away last year. She settled back in his arms and shook it They watched the white flecks settle around the winter scene inside and then Luka took it to wind the key on the bottom. They were silent as they listened to the tinkling tune, lost in their own thoughts and memories of a less happy time.

She'd been with Carter when Luka gave her the snow globe as a Secret Santa gift. She hadn't known it was from him when she unwrapped it. It was beautiful. And they'd barely been on speaking terms. But she kept the snow globe. Actually kept it out on a table all year long. She knew where it had come from. She knew the minute he took it from her in Susan's bedroom when she was getting her coat. She knew when he wound the key and heard the music. The words on that song weren't as totally lost on her as he'd thought they were.

It had been the hardest Christmas of his life that year. He was missing his family ...missing Croatia and, more importantly, missing her. It was hard to watch her be with Carter. Hard to hear her insist that she was happy with him. To know that she was going to go home with him. Go to bed with him. He missed her. All of her. And he tried to drown that with work and a bottle. And nearly killed Erin in the process.

Luka's arms tightened slightly around her and Abby turned to look at him as the music wound down. Their eyes met and he smiled slightly.

"I thought we should get a tree soon," he said. "Unless you want to wait till your mother arrives." Her eyes searched his for a moment in the light from the street lamps.

"It's going to be our baby's first Christmas," she said softly as she set the snow globe on the windowsill. She smiled affectionately and kissed him gently. Luka's eyes closed as the kiss deepened and her fingers raked through his hair at the back of his head. Their mouths opened to one another and they savored the togetherness. She smiled a little as she felt his response and then carefully stood up from his lap. She took hand in her's.

"Doing this here would be fun but it makes no sense when we have such a comfortable bed upstairs," she said as she waited for him to stand up. "Think we're getting old?" He grinned and laughed as he shook his head. He glanced back at the window and his smiled faded a bit. She tugged on his hand and their fingers clung together as they made their way up the steps to their bedroom.

They took their time...something they couldn't do very often. Slow, soft kisses tracing from one sensuous spot to another. Clothing discarded one piece at a time. Warm hands molding and massaging and tracing and tickling. Bare limbs wrapped around one another. Tongues and lips meeting and exploring and tasting. Moving together. Watching one another. Reading every expression. Loving one another as only they could. Sighing, snuggling and resting together. Satisfied and sated.

She was floating again. Drifting slowly through soft and whispery clouds of mist. She stretched out her arms and this time her fingers closed around the solid and protective arms of her lover. There was nothing to fear. She sighed happily and let herself slip into deeper sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Maggie had arrived three days before Christmas and immediately flew into a frenzy of preparations. Luka was very good natured about taking her orders as they set about cooking things for a 'traditional Wyzenski Christmas'. Abby just rolled her eyes and worked an extra shift at the hospital to stay out of the way. They wrapped and tucked packages under the tree and planned to celebrate on Christmas Eve.

"Mass? You want to go to church on Christmas Eve?" Abby stared at him increduously. Luka nodded and shifted Joe on his shoulder as he patted his back.

"We always went as a family when I was growing up," he said. "I've gone here as well."

"Not last year," she said.

"Not last year," he replied with a slight smile and gazed at her piteously.

"No...please...not the eyes," Abby moaned as she turned away.

"Consider it your Christmas gift to me." Abby rolled her eyes and shook her head as he drew her into a hug with Joe on his shoulder.

"But, I already bought you something. You're going to like it. I promise."

"Come on..." Luka wheedled. "It can be our first...family...tradition."

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Maggie said as she sipped a mug of tea from her seat on the couch. "Your grandma used to make us all go to midnight mass after we opened presents, Abby. Don't you remember?" Abby swung her face to Luka's.

"You're not talking about midnight mass, are you? I mean we both have to work tomorrow and midnight mass could last..."

"No," Luka chuckled. "There's an early one at Our Lady of Sorrows. It's just around the corner." He looked at his watch. "In fact, it starts in about 20 minutes. Get your coat and let's go. I'll dress Joe."

Surprisingly, the church was filled with families and excited children. Abby sat next to Luka with Joe in her arms and listened to the service taking place. It was different from the mass she remembered as a child. The church was bright and cheery. There were poinsettias everywhere. Candles burned and cast a familiar odor of warmth around them. Maggie and Luka slipped to their knees for the rosary and Abby listened as the priest chanted. There was a pounding in her chest and in her head as she held her son and gazed around at the stained glass and statues around her. She wasn't sure she believed in all of this. She was just here because of Luka. After all, where had God been for her? Where was his 'protection' all of her life? Joe squirmed in her lap and she smiled as she hugged him and absently pulled out a set of plastic beads for him to chew on. Her gaze shifted to Luka as he intoned with the priest with his eyes closed in prayer. She shook her head slightly. With everything that he had been through in his life, how could he still have this...faith?

Faith.

That was what had gotten her through things after the shooting. But it wasn't faith in God...it was faith in the doctors and people that healed them. Faith in Dr. Anspaugh and Dr. Raab. That's what had saved Joe...wasn't it? She was a doctor, too, wasn't she? She knew all about procedures and skill. But there was something else. She knew that even with the very best...it wasn't always a sure thing. Abby's arms tightened around the little boy in her lap and she swallowed. They had almost lost him so many times. And here he was. Healthy. So very sweet. A real gift.

Very slowly Abby lifted Joe to her shoulder and patted his back. She hugged him and then slowly slipped to her knees on the prayer bench in front of her. She glanced over at Luka as his eyes opened in surprise. He tipped his head to look at her and then smiled as he slipped a hand over her's and closed his eyes again. Her voice was barely a whisper but she joined in the prayers that had been drilled into her as a child.

Luka was deliriously happy when they got home again. Dinner had been warming in the oven so they settled down to eat. After dinner Luka passed out gifts and had as much fun watching 'his girls' open them as he had buying them. Maggie surprised them with matching pajamas...another Wyzcenski 'tradition'.

"Don't look at me like that, Abby," she had said when she saw her daughter's face as she 'd explained the gift to Luka. "I even sewed them for you and Eric more than once. Don't tell me that you have forgotten that?" Abby had just shrugged. Joe fell asleep in her lap surrounded by ribbons and discarded wrappings and boxes. The three of them sat up late into the night just talking and eating cookies. Eric called from Florida, where he was spending the holidays with his girlfriend's family. Luka called his father and talked to his brothers and nieces and nephews...and whoever else was within reach. It was the most perfect Christmas she had ever spent. And she was almost sad that they would be working the next day.

But Luka had other surprises in store for them. She groaned when he jostled her awake and then finally opened her eyes when he sat Joe next to her face on the pillow.

"Reci njoj probuditi se Mama!" Luka said in a soft whisper. "Santa Recenica je dogoditi se."

"Luka..." she groaned as she looked at the clock and then pulled a pillow over her head. "Come on. We don't have to go in for three hours." He guided Joe's hand to Abby's back and patted it.

"Wake up, Mama, wake up!" he said. "It's Christmas! Santa Claus has come." Abby peeked out from under the pillow at Joe's face and then Luka's grin.

"Okay...okay..." she sighed. "I give up." She sat up and scooped Joe into her arms as she climbed out of bed. She shook her head and headed out the door to the staircase. Maggie was already up and pouring coffee when Abby climbed down the steps. She could smell something good and cinnamony coming from the oven.

"What are you doing up so early?" her mother asked in surprise. Abby shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Little boys..." she sighed. Maggie laughed and handed her a mug of steaming coffee. Abby took a sip and sat down at the table.

"No...no...no..." Luka said as he pulled her to her feet again. "Under the tree..." He took Joe from her and watched her with a silly grin as she headed for the tree and the filled stockings he had put there.

"What did you do?" she laughed as she handed a stocking to Maggie and then gave one to Luka with the baby's name on it. She sat on the floor next to the tree and pulled her own into her lap

Luka cuddled Joe in his lap and watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was laughing with Maggie as she pulled one treat after another out of her stocking. The tube of scented body lotion...his favorite. An huge orange. He'd looked everywhere for that. The package of new panties. Lip gloss in a clear candy cane container. A new toothbrush. The stuffed reindeer. The smile on her face faded as her fingers closed around the small square box he'd hidden in the bottom of the stocking. She lifted her eyes to his. He ducked his head quickly and concentrated on waggling the jingle bell rattle in Joe's hand. He kissed the top of the baby's head and looked up at her. Abby was watching him with a slight frown. Her cheeks were flushed. She gently scattered the things in her lap aside and stood up from the floor.

"I'll be right back," she said and hurried toward the staircase. Luka sighed heavily and shook his head. He rolled his eyes and stood up. He settled Joe in a stunned Maggie's lap.

"Be right back," he said with a grin and followed Abby up the stairs.

Their bedroom door was closed. He rapped softly and opened it. She was standing at the end of the bed with her back to him. He supressed a smile as his eyes raked over her slim figure in the navi cami top and flannel reindeer pajama pants that matched his own. He could tell by the set of her shoulders that she was angry.

"Abby..." he said softly. "It's not what you're thinking." She turned to face him and held out her hand with the small jeweler's box in it.

"What am I thinking, Luka?" she sighed. He grimaced and shook his head. He took the box from her and turned it over and over in his fingers.

"I promised you that I wouldn't ask again until you were ready, right?" He shifted his feet. "I wouldn't break my promise to you." He opened the box and looked at the ring inside. He smiled a little and took it out of the box. He tossed the box onto the bed and held it up.

"However, this...is a promise ring," he said. "Because I promise that I will be there for you... forever." He reached for her right hand and slipped the ring onto her finger. "I promise that I will do anything to take care of you. And... I can promise you that my father will kick my ass if you are not wearing it when we arrive in Croatia." She laughed as he pressed a kiss to the ring on her finger and grinned rakishly. Tears stung Abby's eyes and they widened as she held her hand up and studied the ring.

"It's a ruby," she said.

"Umm hmmm...a small one," Luka nodded slightly. "It was my mother's. She gave it to me when I left home to come to the states." He studied her face.

"Are you going to keep it?" he asked softly. "I want you to keep it." Abby stared down at the ring and then looked up at him. Her bottom lip quivered and she moved to encircle his neck with her arms. Luka grinned and lifted her up and swung her around as he kissed her. They fell onto the bed together and Abby laughed as he groaned. His hands found their way inside her pajama pants and he squeezed her bottom as he pressed her closer to him.

"Luka, " she gasped as she lifted her face from his. "We have to go in to work. We have a shift."

"Aw...damn...who did that to us? It's Christmas!" Abby laughed and lifted herself off the bed. She hit him with a pillow as she headed out the bedroom door. Luka sighed and folded the pillow under his chin to rest a moment. His thoughts were tumbling in his head. Wonderful thoughts. Happy thoughts. Abby was keeping the ring.


	16. Chapter 16

Abby shifted slightly and looked up from the medical journal she had balanced on her knees. She was stretched on the couch, her back against the arm rest cushion and her feet pressed against Luka's thigh. He was staring intently at the television screen, one hand wrapped around her toes, absently massaging them through her wool slipper socks with his fingers. The other arm cradled a sleeping Joe. She smiled a little as she watched him. Luka was the picture of contentment. Maybe they both were.

Days like this didn't come along very often in their busy life. It was blowing snow outside. She could see the storm through the open blinds in the windows. She'd put chicken in the oven to roast and the smell of it was making her hungry. Neither of them had to be anywhere. Neither of them had anything that needed to be done. It was nice. Just a quiet day at home together. But there was a nagging problem that lingered in her head...and her heart. A problem they both seemed to be avoiding.

She slipped her glasses up onto her head and dropped the journal on the coffee table. Luka turned his head to look at her and shifted the baby in his arm. She grinned and sat up, leaning forward place a hand on his cheek.

"Want me to take him off your hands?" she asked. Luka shrugged and looked down at the sleeping baby.

"He's okay," he said softly. Abby chuckled.

"And you'll be saying that when he insists on being held all the time when he sleeps?" Luka grinned.

"You think I'm spoiling him?" he asked in mock concern.

"Think it?" she chuckled quietly. " I know it!" Luka nodded and hugged the baby close for a brief second as she stood up and lifted him from his lap. Abby sighed and crooned softly as she carried the slumbering Joe up the stairs to his nursery. She settled him in his crib, tucked a soft blanket around him and caressed his cheek with a smile before heading back downstairs to the sofa.

She nestled close to him again and Luka wrapped an arm around her as they both watched the movie on the tv screen for a moment. His hand slipped off her shoulder and crept carefully under her arm to her full breast. A smiled snaked across her lips and she pretended to be watching the movie. Luka's lips slipped to her ear and she finally chuckled. She turned to look at him and he raised an eyebrow hopefully.

"Down, boy," she sighed. "Dinner is almost ready."

"It can wait," he breathed as his lips sought the smooth skin of her neck.

"It can but I'm not sure that I can," she complained as he pressed her back onto the sofa. "I'm like...really hungry here."

"How hungry, are you?" he asked as his lips trailed soft kisses down the clean skin of her throat to the open lines of her v neck sweater and the rise of her breasts there.

"Oh geez..." she sighed breathlessly and threaded her fingers into his dark hair holding him closer. "Maybe not too..." Luka chuckled and lifted his face to her's. He grinned rakishly and fiddled with the snap on her jeans. Her fingers untied the drawstring of his sweats and his smile widened as she shifted underneath him. He reached for the couch cushions and flipped them over the back.

"I knew there was a reason for buying this couch," he said as he slipped his hands up inside her sweater. "More room." Abby giggled and ran her hands under his tee shirt.

"We do have a bed up the stairs..." she said. "And besides, I'm mad at you right now." Luka stopped and looked at her with a slight frown on his face.

"Do you wanna...ummm...talk about it?" he asked. She gazed up at him for a long moment and then shook her head.

"Definitely later though," she said. He straightened and tore the tee shirt off and then grinned at her. Abby lifted her hands to his face and then to the back of his neck. She drew him down again and shook her head as they kissed. No, they really didn't have days like this very often. There was time to talk later.

Much later, she lifted the top to the roasting pan and grinned happily. Their dinner was definitely salvageable. She filled two plates and carried them to the table where Luka was checking his email on his laptop. He didn't look up as she set the plates on the table and she frowned. He was staring at the screen intently. She moved closer and kissed his still shower damp hair.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. Luka shrugged.

"My brother is getting a little demanding about when we are going to come," he sighed and sat back in his chair. "He says he is worried about my father and he needs to actually see me about it." Abby frowned.

"Is everything okay with your dad?" she asked as she sat down in the chair next to him. Luka shut the laptop and set it aside. He moved the dinner plate in front of him and checked it over carefully.

"Wow," he said approvingly. "Maybe you should over cook your dinner dishes all the time?"

"Shut up!" She punched him playfully and Luka groaned as he rubbed his shoulder. She grinned and he leaned over to kiss her. She watched as he took a bite of the lemon chicken and then smiled as his eyes widened and he nodded. She filled her fork and lifted to her mouth just as the baby monitor on the coffee table began to wail. She dropped the fork to her plate in frustration.

"You know what?" she sighed as she set a napkin next to her plate. "Between the two of you, I am never going to get anything to eat today. Be right back..." Abby shook her head and Luka chuckled as he watched her head up the stairs. He was smiling as he ate and listened to the two of them through the monitor. Abby was changing a diaper and talking to Joe. Luka could hear him and he grinned. He had such an infectious giggle. Abby could get it out of him faster than anyone.

Luka was ready when she finally came down the stairs with the baby in her arms. She handed Joe to him and headed for the kitchen. She came back with a jar of baby peaches and Joe's spoon. She sat down at the table, opened the jar and pushed it in front of Luka.

"Everybody happy now?" she asked. "Can I eat?" Luka looked down at a solemn Joe who had a finger in his mouth. The little boy grinned up at him and Luka shrugged with a smile.

"Guess so..." he said. Abby rolled her eyes and lifted her fork again. She watched as Luka spooned peaches into Joe's mouth and her eyes twinkled. He was such a sucker for their son. How could she have ever had any doubts about them being able to do this? Watching the two of them together actually made her heart swell in her chest.

"So I am just not sure when I want you to see Croatia for the first time," Luka said. "If it's winter it won't be too much different from here. In the spring, it's beautiful and the summer..." Luka shook his head and wiped a dribble of peaches from Joe's chin.

"But if your brother is needing help with your Dad..." Abby said quietly. "Does it really matter?" Luka shook his head and grimaced.

"Andro sometimes over reacts to things," he said. "Now, if it were Zoran that said he was worried, it would be a different story." Abby frowned a little. Sometimes she had trouble keeping his family straight.

"Andro is the engineer...Zoran is the teacher?" Luka said as she noticed her confusion. Abby nodded and took another bite of her dinner.

"It's been so long..." Luka sighed. "I am afraid I won't even recognize my niece and nephews. I don't think they are going to be begging me to bring toys to them any more." He frowned a little wistfully and kissed the top of Joe's head. Abby gazed at him for a long moment. She couldn't imagine what he must be feeling. His family was so different from her's. Sometimes she didn't see Maggie or Eric for years. They kept in touch but not seeing one another hadn't really mattered. Her grandparents were gone and her aunts. From what she had learned over the past year, Luka had a huge family compared to her...two brothers, sisters in law, a niece and two nephews, cousins...she couldn't imagine it. Abby reached over and gently squeezed his forearm.

"Maybe we should go soon," she said. Luka lifted his eyes to her's and studied her face.

"Do you really think so?" he asked. Abby nodded.

"Yeah..." she said softly. "It's time." Luka reached up and cupped his hand to her cheek. She smiled and pressed a kiss to his palm. He grinned and jostled the baby in his arm.

"Hey, Joe..." he said. "Think you're ready to ride an airplane?" The little boy looked up at him and then at his mother. A wide toothless grin split his face and he laughed. Luka grinned and kissed the top of his head.


	17. Chapter 17

_Heh...I wrote this weeks ago. Can't believe I never posted it here..._

Abby tucked a blanket around the sleeping baby in her arms and pressed a gentle kiss to his downy head. She slipped quietly across the hall and opened the door of their bedroom. He was stretched out on the bed under the afghan had spread over him earlier. He hadn't moved. His splinted hand was resting on his stomach and he hadn't even taken off the sling. She eased herself carefully down on the bed beside him and leaned against the head board as she slipped her shoes off and pulled her legs in front of her. She adjusted Joe to a more comfortable postion on her chest and sighed quietly. Right here was where she needed to be right now. With her guys.

She turned her head and studied his face as he slept. His cheeks were flushed and he snored softly. She smiled slightly and carefully brushed the dark hair off his forehead. He didn't even flinch. He was sleeping so soundly. Better than he had in...weeks. And it wasn't just the meds he'd finally taken. It was something else. Finally being free of the anxiety that had been consuming him. She hadn't really been aware. Well, maybe she had. Something had been bothering him but she could never figure out what. Until he'd told her about Curtis Ames. And then they had been at odds about how he had handled it. Was handling it. In the end it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was safe. Here.

Abby closed her eyes and settled one hand on Luka's forearm and the other on Joe's bottom, holding him snugly against her. She could feel the soft rythmn of his breathing as it lulled her to sleep herself. It had been an awful, unsettling and frightening day and night. Snipping at Luka throughout the day about things at work. He was being unreasonable about her interest in a patient. He was alone in Chicago and a nice enough guy. It hadn't been that unusual to have taken an interest in him, had it? Now, knowing what she did, she wondered about that. The rage she had felt when he said what he had said outside of the bar. The horrible, sickening rage. And all she wanted to do was come home. Talk to Luka about it. Tell him that he had been right all along. But Curtis Ames had been there. Waiting for them. For Luka.

And Luka had been right all along about that as well. No one believed him. No one thought they were really in danger. But he had known. He had known that the whole thing was going to come to this. He had been so calm when he came into the apartment and found them there. She had seen the rage in his eyes...the terror and the rage. But he had been calm. He knew what he had to do. He had to get Ames away from her. And from Joe. He'd walked out with Ames in order to keep them safe.

She had called the police and they had made her crazy by not going after them. She took them to the hospital. She pulled Ames' records for them so they would have all of the numbers. And then they had left her. Told her to wait for them. To go home and wait. But she couldn't. Then Gates had come in with a trauma...an over dose. Ray and Morris were drawn in to help. There was no one to help her. She was lost in the confusion that was so much a part of her life there. She was alone. Just as she had been for most of her life. Until Luka. Then she saw him.

He was standing near the door of the ER admit area. He was standing there just looking at her. Their eyes caught and held. Brown eyes. His face held a question and her's resignation. She had taken another copy of the address where she knew Luka would be and gone slowly toward him.

Eddie was quiet in the car. They both knew that this was not the time to try to talk to one another about it. Maybe there would never be a right time. So many things that should be said...and wouldn't be. All she cared about...could think about...was Luka. Finding him again.

It was Eddie that saw to it that she was able to cross the police lines. She insisted that she was a doctor and could help. But they wouldn't listen. Eddie was the one that told them her husband was in the house. It was a lie but they let her in. A lie? Maybe not. It didn't take a ring or words to make them husband and wife...did it? And she waited with them. The police and Curtis Ames's ex wife.

Her eyes flew open as Luka stirred on the bed next to her and his eyes opened. They met her's and she smiled.

"Hey there," she said softly. "Need some more meds?" Luka shook his head slightly and continued to gaze up at her from the pillows. He reached up with his uninjured hand and cupped her cheek for a moment. She smiled and pressed a kiss to his palm and then his hand slipped down to their baby's back. He patted Joe gently and then looked back at her. He blinked quickly as his eyes filled with tears and he drew in a ragged breath. She leaned down and kissed him.

"It's over, Luka," she said quietly as their foreheads touched. "It's over."

"Still want to marry me?" he asked, his voice raspy from sleep. "Haven't changed your mind?" Her smiled widened and she shook her head.

"I thought maybe it was something you said in the fire of the moment," he sighed. 

"Heat..." she said. "Heat of the moment." He frowned and just shook his head in exasperation. Their eyes met again and her's began to fill. He reached up and caught a tear on his finger tip. She slid down on the bed till she was lying next to him and she eased Joe onto the comforter between them. They clasped hands, threaded their fingers together over his swollen splinted fingers and gazed at one another. His head rose and his eyes darted to the bedroom door when he heard a door close and the television volume go up slightly.

"It's okay..." she said softly and tightened her grip on his good hand. "It's just Eddie. He's been downstairs all this time. He's watching out for us. Changing some broken locks too, I think." Luka frowned slightly. Abby smiled slightly and took a deep breath.

"You are not going to believe this..." she said. "I went to the bar last night...to tell him about his test results and..." Luka listened quietly as she went on. This was where he wanted to be. Where he belonged. With them. Forever.


	18. Perfect

Dammit. Why did he have to go and do this? They were doing just fine. Joe was finally good and healthy. Luka was safely healed from the whole Ames affair. Their jobs were good. Crazy busy….but good. They were even planning to get married. Sometime. She had finally reached that place in her life where she actually wanted that. He had asked her again and she had accepted. She was trying to plan it. Trying to get his take on things. Sort of. There was a lot to think about. a lot of decisions to be made. And now this. She just wanted to get out of there where she realized what he had done. She was mad. Angry that he had taken the control out of their hands. Taken control away from her and given it away. To Hope. And now she was panicked. He was pushing her too fast. Things were moving way too fast. And then she stopped. Just listen for a minute, he'd asked. And she stopped to study him. That goofy grin. Those eyes that were irresistible. They crinkled around the corners as he jostled himself from side to side. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. She dragged herself forward and his grin widened.

And then it was over. It was over and she had actually done it. Actually gone through with everything he had planned. It was everything that she didn't want. Everything that she hadn't planned on. She didn't want to be pushed…or prodded. But she had listened…albeit reluctantly. She had been incensed….embarrassed….frustrated….. And then there was Joe. His secret weapon, he'd said. Just as irresistible as his Dad. Standing in his arms with their perfect child nearby...seemed so right. So, she'd done it. She'd put on the dress. Looped his mother's pearls in her hair and around her neck. She had held on tightly to the flowers that had been thrust into her hands, traded verbal barbs with an eight year old kid and glared at Hope who had finally shoved her through the curtains to the room where everyone was waiting. Waiting for her. She had glanced around…fearing their eyes on her….fearful that others would be there for such an intensely private event. She hated being the center of everyone's attention. Didn't he know that? Better that they should have eloped or something. Gone somewhere private to do this…just the three of them. She, him and Joe.

And then she saw him. He was standing there next to a rabbi at the end of the path she needed to walk. A rabbi? What was that all about? Definitely different than either of them had had before. And then their eyes met. Suddenly she was lost in his eyes and his smile. He was grinning like a little kid who'd won some wonderful prize at the county fair. He had probably never even been to a county fair. Relief washed over her like a warm shower. Flooded through her thoughts and her heart. Suddenly the pounding slowed there and she straightened her shoulders. She made it through the path of people on either side of the path she walked. They were her friends after all. Right?

They stood facing one another, a little self conscious. A little too aware of the people around them and what they were doing there. The whole thing was unnerving. It wasn't what she had planned….or not planned. The rabbi didn't know her. He didn't even know her name. She'd had to prompt him. Tell him to skip a few things. Like the vows. But Luka had vows. Of course he had vows. He had time to practice.

The words. His words. Her words. Simple expressions and promises. I love you. It had slipped unexpectedly from the very depths of her heart. She'd said it only to him. She hadn't been able to say it to anyone for a long, long time. But she'd said it to him. She knew she loved him. She had loved him for a long, long time. He knew she loved him…..but she had never actually said the words directly. Until now. He'd beamed like that country fair prize had gotten even bigger.

The ring slipped on her finger so effortlessly. He'd held her hand for just a scant second after placing it there. His slipped on so effortlessly. Her fingers caught his and she glanced up at him as the rabbi finished his litany. They were lost in each other…alone in the room…their smiles and eyes holding promises for later. Forever. He was right. This moment was perfect. It was right.


	19. Not Quite Right

His eyes scanned the sandy beach flitting from one group of bathers to the next. Bathers? It was too cold to dip more than toes in the sea right now. Most of the people were just wandering along the shoreline. He smiled slightly as he saw the young couple on the blanket with a picnic basket. They were oblivious to others on the beach as they shared a picnic supper…a glass of wine. How long had it been since he had hared such a meal with his own wife? Too long. His eyes swept farther down the shoreline and his grin widened. There they were.

Barefoot with jeans rolled to their knees, they each held a baby hand and swung the toddler up from the sand. Even as far away as he stood he could almost hear the little boy's throaty chuckle of delight as his feet hit the cold sand again. Niko reached into his pocket and pulled out the old leather wallet he had taken from his father's things. He slipped the photograph out of its protective sleeve and studied the faces. Luka had sent it shortly after they'd brought Joe home from the hospital. It had been a favorite of his father's. He'd pulled it out for perfect strangers to admire. His new baby grandson. In America. The baby's tiny dark head was nestled on his mother's shoulder and she was pressing a kiss to his downy hair as Luka smiled at her. Luka smiling. He had missed those smiles more than anyone knew. They all had. Oh, Luka still laughed after it happened. After Danijela and the children. After Vukovar. But the heart of the laugh was gone. It had been missing for a very long while. It was that _heart_ that you could see again in the picture. His father had seen it and was glad. That's all he talked about. Luka. Abby. Joseph. It very nearly broke Luka's heart when the old man had refused to go to Chicago when Luka wanted him to. For better care, he'd said. And it saddened Luka tremendously as week after week went by and one obstacle after another kept him away from his family. He'd said she'd understand but he missed them. Niko frowned slightly as his eyes swept the picture one more time and then settled on his brother's family below him in the beach.

Luka was squatting in the sand near his son as she handed him pieces of bread to throw to the birds. They were here at last – together - but something just wasn't quite right. The heart was gone from his brother's smile….. again. Abby was grinning as she handed another crust of dried bread to Joe. Too cute. He scrunched up his face and threw the bread as far as his short arm could. Her heart jumped to her throat as a gull squalled in too close and Luka suddenly swept his son off the sand to safety. Right on cue Joe set up a howl of protest and scrubbed his hands across his angry tear filled eyes.

"Time to go home," Luka said firmly and blew a blubbery kiss against the boy's neck. Joe continued to howl. "Are you ready to go home, Joe? Eh?"

The little boy struggled against Luka's firm grasp, his arm reaching out to the flock of sea gulls over his father's shoulder, tears continuing to build and spill in his round eyes. Abby frowned slightly as she gathered up their sandals and followed. He had never referred to Niko's as 'home'….or his father's house either. She tripped on the sand and hurried to catch up as they headed toward the rock wall and steps to the street.

"Home?" she asked cautiously. 'Like...Chicago….home?"

Luka shifted the struggling little boy to his arms and grimaced down at her. "Of course," he said over Joe's howls. "Where else would I mean?" Abby shrugged and watched as Luka sat Joe on the stone steps and busily fastened on the small leather sandals she handed him. His slipped his feet into his own sandals. Gripping Joe's hand he headed slowly up the steps where Niko stood waiting for them. He was there to drive them back to his house. She watched as Joe struggled up the steps beside him. Abby sighed and dropped her sandals into the sand and twisted her feet into them. She unrolled her jeans to her ankles and adjusted the heavy sweater she wore before climbing the steps.

She should be happy. It had been days since they had talked about it. They had tucked Joe into bed and stayed up far into the night. She'd told him about rehab. Even more about her therapy sessions. She'd relived the awful night she had tried to get to him…with Joe...and was stopped at the ticket counter. Relived that night with Kevin. When they had…made love. No. They hadn't 'made love.' It hadn't been….love….at all. She told him things she couldn't tell him in a letter or on the phone or when he'd come to see her. She told him things she really couldn't tell him to his face but knew she must. It had nearly killed her to tell him….but she'd done it. She had to. He deserved nothing less than the whole story. And then when the sun was coming up, they had finally gone to bed and he'd turned away from her under the covers. Her heart had squeezed tight, her stomach rolled and she'd gone into the bathroom to throw up.

For days after they had gone about their business. Putting one foot in front of the other. Waiting. Watching. For something to happen between them. And now they were going to go home. Together. She should be feeling better…..relieved. Shouldn't she?

Abby pasted a smile on her face as Niko held the front door of his small van for her. She fastened the seatbelt and settled into the seat for the ride. She glanced back at Luka as he fastened Joe into his car seat next to him. Their eyes met and he smiled. She turned again to the sights on the city street in front of her. She should be happier but she wasn't. Something was just not quite right.


End file.
